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The following post: I strive to keep my blog very 'real'. I recently ran into a friend who was, for good reason, divorcing her husband. I remember being surprised and commenting that everything seemed fine based on her blog. She responded by saying something like "yeah, but that's my blog; doesn't every body make up the perfect life on their blog?" That comment maybe somewhat true, and I am by no means endorsing 'airing the dirty laundry' via the web, but I do think it doesn't hurt to keep it real. If I am having a hard time with something I use my blog a lot to vent my feelings, and I blog about my happy times, too. Knowing there are happy times that come after the hard times, make the hard times that much easier. I have always been a "self" writer of some sort (journal, scrapbooks, blogging, etc.), I am constantly try to document my life in some way and I think that if I don't do it in an honest fashion, who will it benefit? I think that maybe someday when my daughter is my age and having a 'bad mom' day, maybe she will be able to read my blog and know that EVERYONE does. Who knows, right? Anyway, that was said not as a rip on anyone else's blogging style, but maybe to help understand my own. I tend to blog more when I have a lot on my mind, good or bad... and for the past while I've had A LOT on my mind... Sometimes there are times in life I feel just as confused as I was when I was a teenager (I wasn't a very confused teenager, though, so maybe that is an understatement.) I guess I always just thought I would grow up, get married, have babies, and that was it. I've been thinking a lot lately about the future, my future, my kids' future, our family's future. Where will we end up? (physically- not spiritually :) Should I go back to school for my Master's? Should I work more in the next few years? I wonder if all of the thoughts are stemming from being done with the "baby-making" phase of life. For a long time, I never thought beyond it because I knew it wasn't over, but know that it is, I can't help but wonder 'What next?!' I've felt so anxious about life, but at the same time so complacent. I feel like life could be fine without any changes, but I also don't want to pass up opportunities that I/we should be taking? (I wonder if I make any sense to any one!) Anyway, I know what the answer is and what I need to do "Prayer helps us learn to bring our wills into harmony with the will of the Father." I just feel so much responsibility to make the right choices right now. I don't feel like I am at any crossroads in my life, however, I feel some strange sort of urgency to be at at least one. (Again- wondering if this makes any sense.) Sometimes I wish I could just go back to being a kid... when I didn't have to worry about much. Maybe just for a few days though, cause let's face it I am a tad bit of a control freak. It's just tough when your choices don't just effect you but also your posterity. "In your choices lies the hope of the church and of the generations who will follow your example." I hope, for them, for Jay and for myself that we can proceed with life in the direction He wants us too. As of now, I have no idea what direction that is... hoping I can figure that one out.