It was the best of times, it was the worst of times.

So, I know that as of lately I have written blog posts nearly only when I have a lot on my mind.  And the times when I have a lot on my mind, tend to be the times I am kinda in a rut.  Moreover, if there is one thing that bugs me, it is negative people.  I try really hard to be a positive happy person, but sometimes the "dark side" takes over and all I want to do is complain.  This being said, the following post may complain a lot and I apologize in advance.  Life has been a little harder than I am used to lately and I know that not only should I write about the happy times in life, but the sad included- to help myself know that I can get through trials and possibly to even help others.

The beginning:
In November we made the decision to move.  It was a decision that took us forever and it was a hard decision (I understand that for some, the decision to move is minimal- for us, it wasn't, it isn't, and I highly doubt it ever will be).  So, after literally MONTHS of praying to know what to do we did what we felt was right and rented out our house and moved into my parents apt. to save to build.  Ya know how when you make a decision to do something and it is so right that everything just falls into place?  That totally happened to us.  We put our home up for rent, had tons of interest- found AMAZING renters after just one week.  The move went fast, we got a great deal on a storage unit, sold the last of our puppies just hours before moving into my parents home (we left one house to go to St. George and returned to the other house- we sold the puppy in Nephi- to the same person who saw him in St.G.  He just happened to stop at the same gas station as us on the way home at the same time we were there and decided he wanted him.) see everything was falling perfectly into place- until we actually moved.
While we were moving, I backed into the deck in the garage, the day after we moved in the water heater went out, exactly 7 days later the toilet broke (which took 3 separate efforts to fix), the dishwasher flooded, then the dishwasher flooded BADLY- there was about 2 inches of water through about 60% of the apartment, the sink backed up entirely (we had no kitchen sink or dishwasher for 4 days), our car DIED- like totally dead, we had to buy a new car died, Jay had job unrest, etc.  And the etc. isn't a joke.  We had to spend $1500 in car repairs for our "good" car, I made the ridiculous decision to run the family owned snow shack (if I'd previously not known stress- I know it now),
The now:
It's really just felt like everything we've been working for has been slipping through our fingers.  We'd found a lot we really liked, it sold.  We found a lot we really liked, it sold.  We found a group of lots we really LOVED, they sold.  It's hard when you have your heart set on an area about 1.5 miles in diameter... (especially when it's one of the most expensive areas in the county)
The hardest part of me hasn't even been any of these things though, it's been the unknown.  Since we've moved I've felt like I've fallen into a good fit in regards to my ward/ neighborhood.  In the beginning, it was really hard to move in to the ward we grew up in and especially difficult being that we had a lot of family in the ward.  I didn't want my SIL's friends to be my friends, just because they were her friends... I really wanted to get to know people and let them get to know me- as me- not as part of a family.  It was hard for a really long time, but after we moved- even though we are in the same ward, I finally feel like I've found my "spot"- and the part that stinks is that just when I feel it feels right, is when it's not permanent.  I know that people live there lives like this- many people move annually at best.  Maybe I should just not care about the fact that I am (hopefully) moving in the near future and let myself continue to make ties with people I care about... but I sort of feel like 'why sew the seems if I am just going to have to come back and rip them apart in a year or so'?  My heart has a hard time letting go of any good relationship.  Even though I know many relationships last forever and it doesn't matter where you live- I still struggle.  So now, I feel stuck in a way- I  feel like I need to decide if I let the temporary feel permanent or continue living in this state of "limbo" but save my heart the trouble of letting go later.  It's hard; really hard.
The future:
At least I feel like I've had a long time to think about where we are in life- and I understand to many this probably appears so lame, I know that many people struggle with much greater trials in life- this just happens to be mine, and trust me- it's been hard enough for me.  I feel like what I need to do is take care of the root of the problem for now, which is mostly my attitude.  I feel that I've been allowing my happiness to be based on something that in the long run- really doesn't even matter at all.  I need to look at the fact that although we've gone through unplanned career changes, at least Jay has an awesome brother who's provided him with an awesome job that he loves.  Even though we've gone through several unplanned financial crises, at least we're living with less expenses now, and are in a better position to handle them.  Even though, I am really sad that I am going to have to say good-bye to a place, ward, and neighborhood that I love, at least I am lucky enough to have something that will make saying good-bye hard. I need to just remember (always) what matters most- and do it.  I know the future is bright.